I’m nervous. There it is and that’s how it is. I know people can relate within their own worlds, but I’m gonna talk you through my little weirdo world for a hot sec. Some of you may have been in the loop when I was planning to move to Philadelphia, and those who are still in the loop know that those plans ended up falling through. Obviously, at first I was a little frustrated with the situation but honestly when it boils down to it I was more upset with myself for not working harder to make it happen. Then as the dust began to settle around the world I had previously been building, I realized that maybe the change I needed was right in front of me the whole time. I didnt need to move away from Lancaster to change things, I needed to shift my focus within this space to thrive.
If I really wanted to move to someplace like Philadelphia, but I would have definitely needed to integrate myself into that scene way more than I have been. Maybe ‘just doing it’ wouldve been one way to go about it, but nevertheless here I am. Which brings up another interesting point; there are no right or wrong decisions... only decisions. What I’m doing in Lancaster is wanted in this city. It’s wanted other places as well, but if I like Lancaster so much why was I so willing to leave it? Well I think there was always apart of me that was hesitant, especially since I was still planning on teaching 2 days a week in Lancaster regardless of my move. But is that me being attached to the city or my students? Maybe a little of both. I’ve had the privilege of teaching some of this people for almost 3 years! Some adults and some kids, now turning young adults. Call me sappy but I’m connected. I want nothing but the best for these people, not only because of how they’ve helped me but because I genuinely care about them and their success. Regardless of whether or not they choose to continue with music beyond our lessons.
I thought I wanted a change. I did, and still do. I wrote whole record around the idea of how dangerous nostalgia can be, but I got so caught up in that idea I was blind to what was around me. Maybe things need to be drastic in a different way other than location. Parts are moving within the machine and cool stuff is going on all the time. I’ve just gotta buckle down, prepare for all the possibly that’s coming and embrace the whirlwind. Even if it’s not the whirlwind I was expecting to find. Thanks for reading this far and caring about what I do. We all feel this weight. It’s distributed across many shoulders, but we all feel it.
-CP
